Saturday, February 20, 2010

Focusing on homework

I think I've figured out what at least part of my struggle with doing homework has been. 'Abdu'l-Bahá said that:

"Good behaviour and high moral character must come first, for unless the character be trained, acquiring knowledge will only prove injurious. Knowledge is praiseworthy when it is coupled with ethical conduct and virtuous character; otherwise it is a deadly poison, a frightful danger. A physician of evil character, and who betrayeth his trust, can bring on death, and become the source of numerous infirmities and diseases." [1]

And:

"[...] the child who conducts himself well, even though he be ignorant, is of benefit to others, while an ill-natured, ill-behaved child is corrupted and harmful to others, even though he be learned. If, however, the child be trained to be both learned and good, the result is light upon light." [2]

Since I began understanding some of the meaning of those words trying to build knowledge in areas where I did, or now do, not have the virtues to support what I'm learning yet so my soul has been disinterested, resistant to, or hateful of some of what I have and am supposed to learn from some of my classes because it would only give tools to my lower nature for it use in indulging in hateful thoughts which if they aren't immediately remedied by some of God's words lead me to do hateful things. My distraction recently I am pretty sure has been my soul figuring out what virtues would lay a foundation for that knowledge and choosing to not learn something until I have those virtues, which I am a ways which makes that essential work override being able to do homework and thus have it finished in time. I wish college worked Montessori-style.

Medications have covered over in some way the gaps where my soul doesn't have virtues yet, and when I was on the right combination I was able to do work but felt like a dark, sickening, corrupt enemy of God's Faith while doing so. I think since I've done some of this work I've been able to put in terms of virtues a lot of the knowledge I gained from education before I became a Baha'i, but I definately haven't caught up yet. It's going faster than the pace I would need to do work at though, and I am praying for help, so there is hope.

P.S. Thinking about it more, my issue has mainly been with math, and the difficulty might be with not understanding what use it can have in culture and civilization. I think I'll study the law of inheritance and the Badi calendar (Bahá'u'lláh's law for how wealth should be distributed after a person's death and a calendar He designed for Bahá'ís to use) for a little bit and see if that helps.

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[1] Compilations, Scholarship, p. 21,

[2] Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 135 for a related quote

[3] The Compilation of Compilations vol. I, p. 93)

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